For now, maybe for good. For this blog at least.
Cherry is dead, long live the hag!
I have finally found some sort of peace, some sort of place inside where I can maintain my sanity.
It has meant muting 90% of my kinky Twitter feed, it has meant I no longer, or very rarely, visit blogs, it has meant I no longer take part in memes. I thought I had finally found a place but now, yet again, I feel like I’m on the outside.
I tend to avoid conversations with people online, I don’t write any more, or take photos.
Some days I can take seeing stuff online, but most days everything just makes me feel like shit. And I hate it.
I’ve always had my fantasies, written stories, read and watched filth, masturbated. But now I have no desire to do any of it. I did more than I thought I would ever do and I wish I hadn’t because then I at least would still have had something.
The thought now of someone touching me, of my submitting, leaves me cold. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to get past it. Getting to know someone else, trusting them? Not bloody likely.
I won’t say never, but I’m done looking. I think you can get to a stage where enough is enough and at this point in my life I feel too old, too tired, too broken to even think about it.
I will still be on Twitter though because I’d be lost without it.