Sexual Frustration

This is a rant so if you don’t want to read it that’s fine. I just need to vent. I started writing this last night when I was mightily pissed off. I was feeling sad, lonely, horny and I’d had a glass of wine which is never a good idea when I feel like that. Today I feel a lot happier but I decided to finish writing this anyway.

I’ve mentioned in a previous post about the Menopause that I have problems having an orgasm. It sucks. I’ve learned to accept the fact that right now (at least hopefully it’s only for now) I can’t have them. Most of the time I’m OK with it, not really but I deal with it, I don’t let it bug me. But the last couple of days it is bugging me.

I. Want. To .Come! Now, right this fucking second, I want a fucking orgasm!

Just one, that’s all I want, not much to ask. Even without all the reading and writing of smut lately, even without the pictures, even without the dirty Scrabble games, texting and phone calls, I’m horny. All the time. And what makes it even more frustrating is that I can’t scream and shout about it. I want to stand in the middle of the street and yell.

I WANT TO COME! I NEED TO COME! I NEED A FUCKING ORGASM!

But I can’t. So I thought I’d have a moan here instead. I used to be able to make myself come easily, a 30 second quickie or a long drawn out session, however I wanted it. But never with a man, except one. That was a bit of a pain too, but at least I could get myself off. But not any more. I hate menopause, I hate having to use contraception, I hate getting older. Sometimes I think it would be better if I didn’t want sex at all, but I do want sex, I enjoy sex, I fucking love having sex, but I still can’t come. I have tried everything, we have tried everything. One I’d love to be able to try is orgasm control and orgasm denial but I need to be able to have a fucking orgasm first!

I think this frustration is mostly to do with the fact that I haven’t seen Sir since last Sunday and it will be another two weeks until I see him again. Usually by Sunday afternoon I’d be in a drained, aching, sated little heap. But this weekend I’m not even going to get that, or next weekend, which is shit. But it can’t be helped, I’ll just have to suck it up and deal with it. And I will. Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.

Sometimes I even wonder if it would be better to go back to the way I was last year, to not have thought about finding someone. I wasn’t constantly horny then, I just needed some adult, male company, just sometimes. But then I would never had met Sir, never have started this journey, never have found out so many new things about myself and I wouldn’t have been researching advice on using nipple clamps which led via some fascinating blogs to this, a place where I can write about things like this. A place where finally feel like I’m starting to get to know me.

The Menopause Diaries

16 thoughts on “Sexual Frustration

  1. I get that. Been on some medication for a couple of years that kills sensation and makes orgasm virtually impossible. After a while that almost undoes what the medication is for. It’s a human need that is difficult for some to do without.
    Eventually it became a main factor in taking the hard route and going cold turkey off the meds. At least for me it’s relatively short term and thank gender that I don’t have to endure all that the fairer sex do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I might be happier with a loss of sensation 🙂
      The only meds I’m on is Depo for contraception and I’m not stopping that! Even if it isn’t helping the problem I know it’s not causing it. I think it’s just a combination of age and hormones. I’m hoping it’s a temporary thing.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve had trouble in the past with this too. I still have times where it just won’t happen too. There are several factors involved I think.

    I know you’ll know this, but putting pressure or stress on yourself over it is counterproductive. Easy for me to say I know!

    I wonder if it’s a temporary thing at the moment for you, with the menopause? Hopefully it will pass in time and you’ll be back to enjoying orgasms again. Have you talked to your doctor at all about it?

    I truly empathise and hope you find a solution love
    X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks 🙂
      I try not to stress about it but somedays it’s hard not to 🙂
      I’m hoping it’s temporary, everything else is till working fine! Haven’t spoken to the doctor about it yet but I’m due a visit in a couple of weeks so I should really talk to him then.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally get the way you feel. Even though I have orgasms at least once a week, I was very worried that I didn’t mind if I didn’t have them. In the past I would get totally upset and cranky if I didn’t have an orgasm for some time, but with the menopause I just couldn’t be bothered. My libido was almost gone. Thankfully the HRT I am on seems to be helping for that too and suddenly I am thinking about sex again. And orgasms. I hope you find something that works for you.

    Speaking of that, may I recommend the Doxy Massager? It’s will give you an orgasm every time you use it. Guaranteed 🙂

    Rebel xox

    Liked by 1 person

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