I love taking part in some of the different memes out there, they give me things to write about, they keep me on topic (sometimes). Having deadlines and prompts has been very useful, I’m writing more than I have for a long time, and even when I see a prompt and don’t have any idea what to write I’ll usually be able to come up with something else suitable. The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday is:
If you had a choice, what would you dream about tonight?
My answer to this would be ‘Nothing’. I don’t often remember my dreams, the ones I do remember are usually either nightmares or ones that are so special that when I wake up and realise it was a dream I want to cry. I prefer my dreamless nights. So I’m going to write about something totally different.
Today I just feel the need to write. I’ve had a couple of weeks of feeling crappy, mentally. I’m going through a bit of a depressive phase, I’m not depressed but I just feel annoyed, pissed off, fed up and just generally blah. The good thing is that I know why I’m feeling like this. I have a couple of things going on at the moment that are making me, not unhappy exactly, but are not filling me with joy. I know that in a few days they should be sorted out. And they aren’t things I can do anything about so I just have to wait. On top of that I started back at college last week which means I’m tired, and when I’m tired I find it harder to deal with things. Another couple of weeks I’ll be back into the routine and I’ll be fine. I’m wondering as well if the Depo jab has anything to do with it. I’m due the next one in a couple of weeks and I’m pretty sure the last time it was due I felt a bit crappy too. Something to keep track of.
A few years ago this phase would have ended with me being depressed, probably for weeks, and having a real struggle to find my way back again. The big thing for me is that I have learned to recognise when I’m starting the slide, to figure out what’s causing it and how to deal with it. Knowing if it’s something I can change or not. Knowing what I need to do to keep myself from falling back into the hole. Things like getting out of the house, talking to people, walking – I’ve been doing plenty of that lately because I’m back in school. But at night, when I can’t talk to people, when all I want to do is pull the covers over my head, I write or I read, or I’ll listen to music and wait until it’s late enough to go to sleep. And just hope I don’t have any dreams.
And sometimes I watch Jacksepticeye on YouTube, he is fucking hilarious!
I’m not linking this post to Wicked Wednesday but I am including the link as I’m sure you’ll find something deliciously wicked over there 🙂