Lies

You don’t belong, you’re useless, no-one really likes you, you’re ugly, you’re fat, you’re old, why do you bother? With anything? What’s the point? Why do you keep trying? Give it up,

Today is not a good day, today is a very bad day. Yesterday I was doing OK, but this morning I wanted to stay in bed. Today I don’t want to ever have to leave the house again, I don’t want to ever have to talk to anyone again. I know today is a bad day because I keep crying. I haven’t cried for a long time. Today I feel as if I really don’t belong, I don’t belong anywhere, I never have. I don’t fit. I never have. I always try too hard, or not enough, I care too much, or not enough. I can’t do anything right

The really crazy thing is that I know none of this is true, I know it’s my depression, with it’s lies, whispering in my head, wanting to keep me in the darkness, wanting me to give in, to give up, surrender to it. To stay in the dark, where it’s safe, to go back to not feeling anything, to just be numb.

I fucking hate it, my life is good, the sun is shining and still I can’t stop crying. I’m angry, I am so tired of this, my whole life has been spent like this and I finally thought I’d kicked its arse.

I’m going to keep kicking its arse and maybe tomorrow will be a good day.

5 thoughts on “Lies

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