I’ve been taking the meds for about three weeks now, so it’s still early days. Emotionally I’m stable, which is good. But I’m emotionally stable feeling nothing much, which isn’t so good. It’s the nothingness I want to be rid of.

Physically I feel like shit, and before you ask, I haven’t overindulged. I had two small glasses of wine on Christmas day, nothing since. I haven’t overeaten either. I just feel sick most of the time. I have to actually make myself eat and drink something.

I’m sleeping twelve hours at night, which I rarely do, and an hour after I get up I want to go back to bed. I want to spend all day in my jammies 🙂

So, pros and cons, weighing it up, does the emotional lack make the other stuff worthwhile? Right now, I suppose I’m glad to just have a break from the rollercoaster. And like I said, it’s only been three weeks, and with it being school holidays it’s not been the usual routine.

So I’ll keep re-assessing how I’m feeling, hope the nausea goes away and my sleep patterns return to something like normal.

The one thing I know I can’t put up with long-term is the emotional deadness.


Stuck in a Rut

Word for Wednesday #16

Ennui: A feeling of being bored and mentally tired caused by having nothing exciting or interesting to do.

This definitely describes the last few days. I have a lot of things to do, but nothing interesting or exciting. Not for me anyway. All the Christmas preparations – decorating, wrapping, shopping, housework, washing. Dull, dull and fucking dull.

And it’s not that I’m unhappy, far from it. I feel better than I have in a while. Things are just routine, something to do with the time of year. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut when it’s cold, grey and miserable outside.

Things I’d rather be doing:

Taking lots of photos – house full of kids it’s not easy to get nekkid. Weather’s too bad for outdoor photography.

Writing – Taking a break because the words aren’t there.

Talking shit – Everyone’s too busy talking Christmas.

Anything apart from what I am doing – I want to go somewhere, do something. It would be nice to be somewhere warm.

Laugh, love, live – I just want to feel like I’m doing something rather than lots of nothing.

More Words for Wednesday here