Goodbye for a little while

I’m taking a break from here for a while. I don’t know how long for.

My dad’s been ill for a while and after a couple of visits to the doc and blood tests he went to the hospital today. After 14 hours of more bloods, ultrasounds, CT scans and x-rays they admitted him this evening. Further tests and who knows what else will follow over the next few days and I at the moment I can’t think straight.

I’ll still be hanging around on Twitter – I need something to keep me sane – but the blog, for now, isn’t a priority.

See you soon hopefully.

x

Letter to an old lover

The sort of letter I want to write but have never had the courage to.

It’s probably a bad idea to post this but what the hell.

You say you miss me, and I wonder how do you miss me.

Do you miss the talking and drinking long into the night? The laughing and silliness and randomness of it all?

Do you miss trying to pick something to watch? When I could never decide? comedy? Action? Drama? And definitely no chick flicks?

Do you miss all those weird couple-y things we had to do? Like shopping? Cooking? And those seemingly endless family occasions?

Do you miss touching me? Kissing me? The nights spent together?

Do you miss feeling like a giddy teen in the first rush of lust? Unable to keep our hands off each other? Spending far too much time finding excuses to not get up?

Do you miss the exploring? The wonder of finding someone who got you? Who understood the need to just be?

Do you miss me with ache inside that feels like a huge hole, but at the same time feels like a massive ball of wire that fills you so much that at times you can’t breathe? That feels like it’s going to unravel at any moment and leaves you scared about what will happen when it does?

Do you miss me in a way that leaves you always on the edge of tears that you can’t shed, because you were cried out long ago? Or filled with desire to scream so loud the whole world could hear it?

Do you miss me in a way that means you no longer even want to get out of bed? That leaves you to longing to climb back into bed because that’s the only place you feel safe enough to let your thoughts roam?

Do you miss me in a way that makes you wary about seeing something that sets back all the progress you thought you’d made? That makes you not want to ever even try to get to know someone new?

And do you wonder when did it all change?

Flop

Sinful Sunday #43

This is one of the ‘less than perfect’ photos from my lazy shoot the other day. I still like it though.

I think I’ve finally had a breakthrough regarding how I see and think about myself.

And thinking of a post title actually made me laugh  😀

Soft Light

More Sinful Sunday here.

Sinful Sunday

Read All About It!

Saturday Rant

News and media in Ireland

I tend to avoid newspapers and news programmes because I find so many of them don’t actually cover very much news. Most of what I see about what’s happening in the world starts with Twitter. Then I’ll head for news websites and read more. The last couple of weeks have been interesting to say the least.

Ireland’s been having a bit of a media storm lately about a few things – the Olympic ticket scandal for one, which I haven’t paid much attention to and two things I have taken notice of – Two women Travel and the Rose of Tralee festival.

Two Women Travel was a Twitter account of the journey to England for an abortion. Most of their Tweets were directed to the Taoiseach, Enda Kenny, and much was made of the fact that he didn’t even tweet good luck to the Mayo team taking part in the All-Ireland semi-final because he was too worried about all the other tweets he’d received. The story was picked up by news agencies all over the world, except here in Ireland, where it was mainly ignored by RTE et al. And of course the Pro-lifers were horrified by the whole thing.

Last weekend we had the Rose of Tralee Festival, which is something of an Irish institution. Girls of Irish descent and girls living in Ireland compete to be crowned the Rose (you can Google it if you’re interested). It was held over several days and during the finals the Sydney rose, Brianna Parkins, who is an Australian journalist, spoke about several women’s issues and also about Ireland holding a referendum on the eighth amendment. There was huge support on Twitter but some people weren’t so impressed, mainly the pro-life brigade. She also wrote a not very nice article about the whole experience. The majority of people in Ireland have fallen in love with her. And this was after the stage was invaded by a Fathers For Justice campaigner, strangely dressed as a priest. I still don’t understand what the idea behind that was. Ireland has a huge problem with how the church has treated women and children in the past. And let’s not forget the Father Ted take on the Rose festival – ‘The Lovely Girls contest’ which is how the Rose of Tralee is often referred to.

Today there was more drama on Twitter about someone calling themselves a sex researcher and educator – The lovely Cheryl over at Horny Geek Girl wrote a post about it, so I won’t go into it here, except to say that I’m horrified by the rubbish this woman is spreading.

As I write this there is another trending hashtag, How we Do Things In Ireland which has been highlighting all sorts of subjects – abortion, homeless children, political cronyism, the banking crisis – the list goes on and it’s not pretty. It seems that the Twitter users of Ireland really have had enough.

One of the most frustrating things for a lot of people has been the lack of coverage about most of this by the national broadcaster, RTE, who are more and more being accused of only covering news stories acceptable to the government. And there is huge anger about the massive salaries presenters are receiving.

The interesting thing will be to see how the government reacts to any of this when the Dail resumes after the summer break. If past experience is anything to go by they’ll probably try to ignore it.

A New View

Boobday #46

Friday again! Summer holidays nearly done and it’s almost September. The months seem to be passing too quickly.

I think I’ll have a theme for next month.

Self-love September. I’m trying really hard to work on my relationship with myself, telling the negative voices to STFU and replacing the bad thoughts with good. Perhaps things will get easier once I get back into a proper routine – I haven’t had one for a couple of months – just tried to get through each day without putting any pressure on myself. But I need to start taking more care of myself – eating properly, getting out more, cutting down on the tea and cigarettes – I’m not getting any younger, some days I feel really old 😀

This is another photo from yesterday, I’ve tried taking photos from this angle before and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I don’t usually see this view :/

From Below B+W

More Boobday here.

hy_tits_banner

Learning to love myself

One of the things I really struggle with sometimes is liking my body. I know I’m not alone in this. I can look at photos of other people and see the beauty in them but not in me.

Yesterday I saw a woman walking down the road. She looked a bit younger than me, but not much. She was wearing a denim skirt which came to just above her knees, a vest top and flat sandals. I though she looked great. The thing is, she was pretty much the same build as me, same height etc. and if I had worn an outfit like hers I would feel ridiculous. I’d feel uncomfortable, frumpy, and just plain wrong. I don’t know why, it wasn’t a revealing outfit, just practical, yesterday was hot, and yet I still wouldn’t feel right.

This morning I took some photos, just lazing in bed, no poses, and as usual I didn’t like them. But I thought I’d go through and edit some anyway, and you know what, I actually found a few that I did like.

Maybe I am starting to at least like myself.

Light

Come and play

Wicked Wednesday #37

Peel away the layers,

one by one.

Reveal the darkness.

Release the demons.

Do you want to play?

darknes

I’ve decided to link this to Wicked Wednesday. This week’s prompt is about reading. I was going to write something else but for some reason this post reminds me of Japanese ghost stories 😀

More Wicked Wednesday here.

WickedWednesday