Stupidity

The guilt and anger at myself builds over the space of a few days, after a week of feeling good, slowly the bad thoughts and feelings creep back in.

I’ve only myself to blame, I let you in, I was the one who couldn’t refuse you when you found a gap in the wall.

And slowly, stone by stone, I let you further inside, into my mind, into my heart.

Now I don’t know if there’s enough left to rebuild the wall.

Friends say ‘You’ll meet someone else’, and I look around me and ask them ‘Where?’ They have no answer.

I really wasn’t going to write about you again, I thought maybe this time…but no, here you come again creeping into my thoughts.

I just wonder how long?

How long until thoughts of you are a rare, fleeting occurrence?

How long until I can forgive myself for being so stupid again?

How long until the need goes away?

How long until the wall is fully rebuilt?

ropes

clamp

kneel-3-posterbruises

12 thoughts on “Stupidity

  1. Please let go of the feelings of stupidity and unworthiness. Forgive and love yourself. The stones might return eventually, but don’t wall your heart in completely. šŸ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

  2. taking walls down and letting people in isn’t stupid, its human, (which i suppose are interchangeable at times haha)…but you cant blame yourself for being human. yeah things don’t always work out and it sucks. I don’t know you Ive just read you, but seems to me you have a lot to offer so it would be a shame if you built that wall back up too big.
    cheers

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Walls mean isolation and you don’t really want that. The walls you build are pretend and will come down the moment you think you may have found a true lover. Being open can hurt but it is the only way to go. I am sorry for your pain. It will fade. Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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