Wicked Wednesday #29
Yesterday was shit.
Today is a better day, helped by the fact that I had a nice half-hour chat with one of my favourite people who I met in the shop this morning. He was the first person I knew who I could talk to properly, he got me, he doesn’t judge and is one of the smartest people I know. I’ve known him for a few years, he knows my family, knows what we’ve been through and has helped us so much. I could never thank him enough for everything he’s done.
I was debating about posting this as I’m fed up of only posting stuff about how shitty I feel right now. I wrote it yesterday which was a pretty bad day, not the worst I’ve had lately but not the best either. I probably won’t be writing very much for now, unless I can write something dirty or cheerful.
Prompt – Off limits… what is off limits to you? Why?
Not so long ago I hadn’t found any limits. I was still exploring.
But right now everything is off limits.
I still try and work on my blogs, this one as well as the photography one but I’m finding it hard to find much enthusiasm for anything lately. Most days I wake up feeling good, feeling positive, but I find as the day goes on everything starts to irritate or upset me. It starts out small, maybe a tweet or photo I see online, then it gradually gets worse. Some days start out bad, like today. The thought of writing anything sexy makes me feel physically sick as does the thought of having anyone ever touch me again, why would anyone want to? If I don’t like me, why should anyone else? All the usual crap.
On those days, the really bad ones I find myself thinking ‘what good is a sex blogger who can’t even think about sex?’ I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate the fact that I can’t get out of feeling like that. I’m so tired of it.
Changing my meds isn’t having much effect yet, but it’s only been a couple of weeks, just need to give it time. At least I haven’t had any side-effects (so far). To be honest, right now I’m feeling worse than before. At least I know why I’m feeling crap and what’s causing it, which strangely does help.
I will still be taking photos and hopefully the occasional burst of inspiration will strike and I’ll be able to write something. It has happened a couple of times lately.
As ever I’ll keep fighting it and hope that things improve soon.
More Wicked Wednesday here.