Preserving My Modesty

Ha! It’s a bit late for that 😀

The last day of Monochrome March 😦

It’s been fun and tomorrow sees the start of ‘Arse Appreciation April’ which is going to be so much more difficult for me, but I’m still going to do it!

Modesty

Making Choices

Word For Wednesday #26

W4W

A bit of a ranty one today 😀

My word for this week is Autonomy.

  1. The quality or state of being self-governing;especially the right ofself-government
  2. Self-directing freedom and especially moral independence
  3. A self-governing state

Related to autonomy

Synonyms: accord, free will, choice, self-determination, volition, will.

I’m particularly interested in the second definition – Self-directing freedom and especially moral independence. And the synonyms – choice, self-determination and free will.

This post has been a while in the fermenting and writing stage, I’m still not entirely sure what it is that I want to say so please bear with me.

Over the past few weeks I’ve become increasingly fed up with reading articles and blog posts which try and tell me I’m a bad person for being a sex blogger, for posting naked photos and for having been in a BDSM relationship. I have read that I’m letting women down, I’m not a feminist, I must have something wrong with me, I must have a history of abuse or I have been brainwashed by men because no woman could possibly enjoy the things that I enjoy. That I cannot possibly be choosing to do this.

Towel 2

Taking photos, posting them and writing are things I choose to do.

And there’s also the slut-shaming, body-shaming and just general trollish nastiness some people have to put up with. Thankfully I haven’t yet had to deal with it, but no doubt at some point someone, somewhere will object to me. From Kim Kardashian’s naked selfie, Zoella’s ‘racy’ photo (she was wearing clothes FFS) to Holly Brockwell’s experience of wanting to be sterilised. It is nice to see that even if there are a lot of stupid, judgemental people out there, there is also a lot of support for these and other women.

But the double standards about what it’s OK to do are ridiculous.

And do you know what I have to say about that?

BOLLOCKS!

I’m also fed up of the general shit so many people have to put up with if they don’t fit society’s norms.

I’m going to be writing a series of posts on these subjects and a couple of other issues, in particular the treatment of women in Ireland, because they are things that are making me angry. I can’t cover everything in one post – it would be far too long and confusing.

More Word For Wednesday here.

Stages

Wicked Wednesday #25

Prompt #200 – The Best.

This post was inspired in part by this post by @CharlieInThe.

I was going to post this for Sinful Sunday but it got a bit wordy so I decided to keep it for a different day. Also I found out WP are back to deleting blogs with adult content just when I had decided to stay with this blog. Starting this blog has been one of the best decisions I ever made.

This post was written prior to that.

This last week has been strange, having to adjust to a new phase, a new stage on my journey. I was thinking about starting a new blog, a fresh start, no memories. But to be honest I don’t have any bad memories, and, like everything else that’s happened in my life, it’s a part of me. There is no Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. What happened, stays happened. I’ve had the usual ‘What’s wrong with me?’ conversation in my head, but this time it was different. I realised there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me. Which is a massive step for me (I would say there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with any of us, but there are some people who, for whatever reason, do have something wrong with them, I’ve known a couple). We are who we are. Genetics, life experience, family, friends etc. etc. all go towards making us who we are. And I have to say that the last year has gone a long way to improving my relationship and attitude towards myself and my life. How could I want to forget that?

I’ve become much more accepting of me, I’ve gotten help for my depression and anxiety, I’m more forthcoming about my illness with my friends and family which in turn has helped them be more understanding of my little quirks. I’m no longer so worried about sharing some of the crap in my head.

When it comes to my feelings about my body it gets a little more complicated. I’ve never really been body positive, I’ve never really liked my body – ever. Too short, too chubby, too saggy, stretch marks and all the rest of it. I suppose I’m lucky in that I’ve never really had to worry about what I eat and I’ve never done any serious exercise. Most of which is down to having spent all my life raising kids on a limited income – I never had the energy to exercise and was more concerned with trying to be able to feed everybody reasonably healthy meals as cheaply as possible. There have been times in my life when I lived on toast and tea so they could eat. When you live like that for a long time worrying about how you look just isn’t a priority. I did have a real breakthrough though about ten years ago, I’d ended my relationship and I learned to love my boobs, I loved my cleavage, I’d always wear something that showed it off. I was the happiest I’d been about my body. And when I started going out I found out that people found me attractive, sexy, beautiful. I had a really great couple of years. Then it all went wrong. I had a miscarriage that almost killed me (I didn’t even realise I was pregnant), the depression really kicked in, a few months after that I fell pregnant again, just before I turned 40 (you think I’d know better). Stupid drunken decision whilst waiting for the right day to start my contraception. Things went rapidly downhill until the following Christmas when I finally took responsibility for me and stopped blaming everyone else.

The last eight years have been a struggle sometimes but I’m getting there. And a big part of that has been down to this blog, the community I’ve found, the support and positivity is incredible. I know I’ve said this before but I never would have thought I’d be happy taking nekkid photos of myself, never mind posting them online, but most of the time I love it. The hardest thing is usually coming up with new ideas. I’m kind of limited as to where I can take photos which restricts some of the ideas I have, sometimes the shots just don’t turn out as I want. Other times when I flick through ones I don’t like and then edit them I actually get some really good ones. And all of it usually helps me feel better about myself, so I’m sticking with this blog (I think it could get too confusing if I started a new one and I don’t want to have to make you all follow me again 😀 ) and I’m going to keep doing what I do.

Just me 3

More Wicked Wednesday here.

WickedWednesday

 

Shower

Sinful Sunday #32

Apparently WP are deleting adult blogs again so I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here :/

If I am deleted I’ll be back somewhere else. Better follow me on Twitter @cherrytartblog for updates 😀 (Don’t click the link, I can’t get it to take you to Twitter, for some reason it takes you to WP posts about Twitter, and I’ve tried removing it, Wp is a pain sometimes)

Watching

More Sinful Sunday here.

Sinful Sunday