I decided to write this post because of a couple of conversations I’ve had about online dating, dating in general and people just not communicating.
I have terrible trouble making small talk with people I don’t know, I avoid it as much as possible. I rarely go out and when I do because I live in a small town there isn’t very much to do apart from walking. I have one friend I go for coffee with occasionally but the people I talk to in the real world are few and far between. I think one of the reasons I have such a problem is that I don’t know anything about the things people seem to be talking about. There is no point of connection, nothing in common. I was going to use some of the trending topics on Twitter as they are usually about people I’ve never heard of – this morning it’s all about GCSE’s, GBBO and Ashley Madison, all things I know about, typical 🙂 But, I don’t have TV channels at home, no cable or satellite, I really only watch Netflix at the weekends (if we can find something to watch). I have no interest in sport or celebrities. I don’t watch the news, soaps or reality shows. I have little or no interest in the latest tech gadgets. I read a lot, I write, paint, do crafts, I love old films, I like music, photography, history, archaeology and plenty more besides.
I wouldn’t say the art of conversation is completely lost, it’s just a lot of people seem to have forgotten (or never learned) how to have a conversation. It’s easier if you are face to face with someone but online? The majority of my online conversations have been on dating websites and most have been a disaster. If I received a message from someone, even if it was just ‘Hi.’, ‘How’r’ya?’ ‘What’s the craic?’ I would at least look at their profile, it’s not easy to send a message to a total stranger, we all fear rejection. But if they haven’t even written one thing about themselves how can I start talking to them? I’ve tried it. Days of asking them about themselves – what they do for a living, do they like films, music, books, dinosaurs or pink fluffy unicorns – I got very little back. Working, not working, studying, yes, yes, no – it was like pulling teeth. I can talk to people, I know a lot of shit about a lot of stuff, I can even talk about Xbox, Playstation and Youtubers if I have to (I have teenagers) but the main thing I need is for people to actually talk back, take part, contribute. I used to put it down to the rise in use of tech; smartphones, the internet, Facebook etc. but I know plenty of people online who can still have conversations. It’s not even an age thing – I think a lot of it has to do with interest. If you are interested in something (or someone) you can talk about it (or to them) for hours, the problem is finding that first little connection and it’s hard when you’re exchanging messages online. Here’s hoping I never have to go back to that.
Some of the things I get to talk about now; The weather (we live in Ireland – have to get that out of the way), work (his), work (mine – painting, writing), the kids (his and mine), crappy TV, wine, chocolate, food, sex, travel, books, the interweb, schools, ‘free’ education, music, history, astronomy, sex toys, holidays, gardening, decorating, bondage, films, jam, bread making, pain, when we were kids, what if we’d met years ago, news, politics, religion, art, wanking, photography, ex’s, sexism, feminism, patriarchy, misogyny, moving, marriage, my scrawny arse, pubs, weekends away, superheroes, comics, spanking, being poor, if we were rich, restraints, chocolate sponge and custard (wrong!), tea, coffee, biscuits, caning, getting old, walking, stone circles, crows, rooks and jackdaws, outdoor sex, clothes, shoes, Netflix, online dating, beer, collars, housework, shopping, train travel, anal sex, being tired, wanting more time together, physics, maths, computers, my tits, glasses, hair, beards, stoves, coal, wood, turf, the damp (Ireland again), sex with other people, sci-fi, aliens, time travel, neighbours, languages, words, DIY, tools, orgasms (mine, lack of), age, contraception, menopause, ropes, shaving, plucking, waxing, make-up, belts, poetry, writers, pointless celebrities, stockings, high heels, short skirts, hard ons, mythology, Green Men, hares, Discworld, Disney, fairy tales, BDSM, my going to college, online courses, smoking, houses, sex blogs, technology, phones, tattoos, rings, piercings, fantasies, the sea, tourists, locals, the mountains, my submission, being a blow-in, hypocrisy, fairness, equality, lack of sleep, life, the universe and everything.
My favourite topics of conversation? Those would be the ones about being his good girl, the things he wants to do to me, being his dirty little tart, the things he wants me to do, my being horny and wet, his needy, greedy little slut.