The Last Post

Journey’s End?

For now, maybe for good. For this blog at least.

Cherry is dead, long live the hag!

I have finally found some sort of peace, some sort of place inside where I can maintain my sanity.

It has meant muting 90% of my kinky Twitter feed, it has meant I no longer, or very rarely, visit blogs, it has meant I no longer take part in memes. I thought I had finally found a place but now, yet again, I feel like I’m on the outside.

I tend to avoid conversations with people online, I don’t write any more, or take photos.

Some days I can take seeing stuff online, but most days everything just makes me feel like shit. And I hate it.

I’ve always had my fantasies, written stories, read and watched filth, masturbated. But now I have no desire to do any of it. I did more than I thought I would ever do and I wish I hadn’t because then I at least would still have had something.

The thought now of someone touching me, of my submitting, leaves me cold. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to get past it. Getting to know someone else, trusting them? Not bloody likely.

I won’t say never, but I’m done looking. I think you can get to a stage where enough is enough and at this point in my life I feel too old, too tired, too broken to even think about it.

I will still be on Twitter though because I’d be lost without it.

Talking About ‘IT’

Food For Thought Friday #14 – Let’s Talk About Sex.

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We are constantly being told that the key to great sex is communication; discussing the things we like and dislike with our partners so we can better understand what turns each other on and what buttons to push.

Are you comfortable discussing sex with your partner? Do you have the confidence to ask for what you like/want?

This is one thing I’m rubbish at. I think I’m getting better, but a lot of it is down to situation. And to be brutally honest none of my previous partners were very adventurous anyway, things just went the way they went. Discussing it wasn’t something I really thought about.

Sir and I do talk about sex, we talk about things we’ve seen online, things we’ve done, things we’re curious about, talk about who’s fit, who’s not – but like I said, for me it’s all down to situation. I find it hard to initiate the conversation, if I’m asked a direct question that’s fine, after sex is a good time too, or if I’ve had a glass of wine. Once the conversation is started I’m usually OK.

I find it much easier to write about it, stories, thoughts and opinions, which is why I like the memes like this. Even though I know he’d love it if I could talk to him more easily, I know he wouldn’t be shocked or offended by anything I said. I’d love to be able to talk about things more easily too. Maybe I’ll get there one day.

More Food For Thought here.

Irishisms

Word for Wednesday # 24

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A very late Word for Wednesday.

This week’s word is Wogeous – woefully bad or awful.

I was reminded of this word this week when I was reading an article, can’t remember what about, the election I think. And I thought about all the other Irishisms, words I have gotten used to over the last few years and no longer even think about.

I remember when I first moved here, the first time I went to do a full weeks shop, walking around the local supermarket and almost crying because I had no idea what to buy, having to work around the money – Irish punt instead of sterling – I knew in England exactly what I could get for my money. And the accent, I spent all my holidays as a kid here but I was used to east coast, Dublin, Wicklow and here I was in Kerry where some people spoke so fast and with such a thick accent it took a few minutes to realise they were speaking English and not Gaelic. I’ve been living here for 15 years now, so you’d think I’d be used to Irishness. And I am, but every now and again something reminds me of it. The way that all crisps are Tayto’s, red lemonade, talking about the weather, and when I saw Naomi Campbell tweet about Ali Hewson referring to her and Kate Moss as wagons, funny shit.

This week I had plans, I had a story idea which would cover a couple of memes, some photo ideas, and another post I wanted to write up for International Women’s Day, none of which I’ve done. I’ve spent the last few days wrapped up with the heater on and I was still cold. I haven’t had much sleep, and I just haven’t been able to do much of anything. Today I slept for a couple of hours, had a proper dinner and I feel OK, up to writing something anyway.

So my week has been wogeous, the weather has been cat, my plans have been banjaxed and I’ve made a hames of everything I’ve started. Now I’m feeling OK I need to cop onto myself and stop acting the maggot. Sure it’ll be grand! Bye. B-bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. (how every Irish person ends a phone call)

More Words for Wednesday here.